The holiday season can be challenging for those who have lost a loved one. While the world around may seem filled with festive lights, joy, and celebration, those facing grief and loss may feel a sense of heaviness, sadness, or even isolation. Whether this is your first holiday season without a loved one or one of many, it is hard but there are ways to navigate this time with kindness and care.
Here’s a guide to managing grief during the holidays, with a focus on self-compassion, honouring memories, and finding small moments of comfort.
Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Judgement:
The holiday season brings an expectation of jolly joy and celebration, but grief has no timeline and may not align with the season’s expectations. It’s okay to feel sadness, longing, or even anger. Allowing yourself to experience all of your emotions without judgement or suppression is the first step in processing grief and adjusting to life without a loved one. Be kind to yourself and find ways to comfort yourself as you move through these tough emotions.
Practical Step:
Set aside a few moments each day to check in with yourself. Consider asking, “How am I feeling right now?” and allow yourself to acknowledge and identify any emotion that comes up. Naming your feelings can sometimes lighten the emotional load and remind you that it’s okay to feel as you do and that it too shall pass.
Practice Self-Compassion:
Grief is not only emotionally taxing but also physically draining. Practicing self-compassion means being gentle with yourself and letting go of any “shoulds” around the holidays. There’s no right way to grieve, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to navigating loss. It’s okay if you don’t feel up to certain events or traditions this year.
Practical Step: Treat yourself as you would a close friend who is grieving. If you’re struggling, allow yourself to rest, skip events, or make time for self-care activities like journaling, reading, or enjoying a quiet cup of tea. Remind yourself that taking care of your needs is not selfish—it’s necessary for the healing process.
Honour Memories in Meaningful Ways:
One way to cope with grief during the holidays is to incorporate memories of your loved one into your celebrations. Honouring their memory can help you feel connected, providing a comforting way to remember them and keep their presence in your life.
Ideas for Honoring Memories:
Light a Candle in Their Memory: Lighting a candle can create a sense of closeness and bring a quiet moment to reflect on their memory.
Create a New Tradition in Their Honour: This might be something they loved, like preparing their favourite holiday recipe, donating to a charity in their name, or singing their favourite christmas carol.
Share Stories or Look Through Photos: Sharing memories with family or friends who also loved them can be a beautiful way to keep their spirit alive and be thankful for the time you had with them.
Write a Letter to Them: Expressing your thoughts, feelings, and memories in a letter can provide a release and create a sense of connection, even after they’re gone.
Hang a Special Christmas Ornament: Buy or make a christmas ornament in memory of them to hang on your tree and have them present during the holiday festivities.
Set Boundaries and Adjust Expectations:
The holiday season often comes with an overwhelming amount of obligations to attend events or spend time with family, friends, and coworkers. If the holiday parties feel overwhelming, remember that it’s okay to set boundaries and adjust your plans to honour what you need.
Practical Step: Consider what events you feel comfortable attending and which you might skip this year. If you find yourself in social settings, have an “exit plan” in mind—whether it’s excusing yourself to take a breath or heading home early.
Connect with Supportive People:
Grieving alone can intensify feelings of isolation, so reaching out to people who understand and support you can make a significant difference. This could be friends, family, a therapist, or a grief support group. Sometimes, simply having someone to talk to who listens without trying to “fix” the situation is deeply healing.
Practical Step: Identify a few trusted people you can rely on if you’re having a hard time. If in-person gatherings are challenging, consider phone calls, video chats, or even exchanging messages. Many people also find comfort in joining grief support groups, where they can share experiences with others who understand.
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Allow Yourself to Celebrate Small Moments:
Grief doesn’t mean you have to avoid any joy or pleasure during the holidays. Finding small moments of comfort—whether through favourite foods, quiet moments by the fire, or a favourite holiday movie—can bring a little light during a dark time. Giving yourself permission to enjoy these moments, even if they’re brief, can be a gentle form of self-care.
Practical Step: Create a list of simple activities that bring you comfort or joy, such as watching a holiday movie, taking a walk, or listening to music. Engage in these small moments of comfort as you feel up to it, without any pressure or expectation.
Remember: You’re Not Alone:
The holiday season can amplify the absence of a loved one, but you don’t have to face it alone. The Relationship Centre is here to provide a compassionate space for you to explore and process these feelings. Our professional therapists can offer guidance, coping strategies, and a listening ear as you navigate this challenging time.
Grief during the holidays may be difficult, but with self-compassion, honouring memories, and connecting with support, you can find moments of peace. If you’re struggling, consider reaching out—we’re here to help you through this season and difficult time.
